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JANUARY 03, 2023

 Day 03 of 365 of 2023

As I started my day today, I did chores. I fix my bed and clean my room. I am productive today, indeed. I wasn't expecting for him to come here cuz first I know he will not come if its raining. A moment after he messaged me
"bb, dito na ko sa taas kararating ko lang". I finshed more chores and quickly went to him. as I come I bought water, food, and all necessary stuffs. He opened our room door with dry cough. he really fought the rain for him to see me. i missed him so much but I did not expect that will really go home for me even if its raining. A read deal effort indeed. Im too stunned to speak. I am not that vocal anymore but i really did appreciate that. As we made love, there were things I realized. first, his perseverance. how determined he is to me. second, his thrust. I mean, not in erotic way but it was deeper. Its full of love and compassion. As we share the same goal, to established a family. third. those words from his mouth. "bb, bago ikaw, marami akong naging jowang may redflag pero sayo, nawalan lahat ng kulay" "Ang flags na yan ay konsepto lang dahil kung mahal mo talaga ang partner mo, ibabaon mo sa hukay ang badsides niya" "walang perpektong tao, nasa sayo yan kung paano ka makuntento" I once was realized. Im at fault. Im too dumbfounded to seek for more. Im too blinded aiming for what I thought I deserve. But for real, what I deserve was no one. Its not that because im too worthy? no. Its just that im too worthless but he's the one making me realize that I deserve his love, his effort, his care, his affection, his admiration. despite of what I did, he is still here. He stated "bb to be honest, mas takot akong mawala ka" my heart aches but at the same time its joyful. My heart tells me you deserves it. my mind yells, "no, you're just a whore, you dont deserve any of him" But, overall, im happy. contented. payapa. Kasi, again. Im feeling what I felt before. to surrender. kneel down. suko na. not because im tired of fighting for "us". no. its, im tired of fighting him. tapos na kong magmatigas. tapos na kong pumalag. tapos na kong kumontra. its not that, I am scared of him kaya ayoko na magmatapang. Its just that, there's nothing to be scared of. he loves me and i am safe with him na. everything is fine as long as im with him. ironic isnt it? lately im a rebel, ill fight for what I know is right. but now, Im submissive. Why? because I realized, crystal clear. He is always ahead. And he is always right. He leads, I surrender. He groomed me, and he will continue to groom me. not sexually but all aspects. mind, body and soul. He leads, I follow. And fyi. We made love for almost 6hrs nonstop. its quite embarrassing cuz I made the whole bed wet. I mean, I squirt and cum a lot, even me personally im shocked that I did that. Anyways, theres no point of holding back. mentally emotionally physically spiritualy & also, financially. was I knew was right is no hold backs no secrets my decision will always be what his decision first. I will rely to him for he is mine and i am his. for what his decision will be, will be mine too. he's my husband for I will be his wife. he's the leader for who I must obey. he's my dom and im his slave.